The Real Reason Why BTS Suga Wrote A Song About His Depression
BTS member Suga dropped his first mixtape “Agust D” in 2016.
In “The Last”, one of the ten tracks on the mixtape, Suga shares his personal experience with depression.
During his adolescence, Suga suffered depression, obsessive compulsiveness, and anthrophobia. As he grew out, grew up, and made it big as a successful K-Pop boy band star, Suga had mixed feelings about the fame and attention. He wrote “The Last” based on these emotions.
In an interview, when asked about his conditions, Suga answered, “Anxiety and depression are always with me. I find it meaningful to figure out ways to deal with my anxiety and depression. I have to constantly study myself.”
The lyrics of “The Last” take us deeper into Suga’s past and the difficulties he faced as a teenager. He explained, “I wrote the lyrics thinking it could help others who are also anxious and depressed. It’s my way of saying I’m anxious, you’re anxious, we’re all anxious. So let’s all study and figure out how to handle it.”
“On the other side of the hottest idol rapper is
a weak and vulnerable me, it’s quite dangerous
Depression and obsessive compulsiveness,
they come back time to time
Hell no, maybe that’s just who I really am
Damn, huh, this gap to reality,
this conflict with the ideal, it hurts me
I was 18 when anthrophobia hit me
Yes, that’s when my mind was clouded
It still scares me sometimes, this self-hatred
The depression that comes back to haunt me
Min Yoon Ki is already dead (I killed him off)
I spend my days comparing my burned out passion with others’
When I first went to see a psychiatrist, my parents came
They said to the doctor, we don’t know him anymore
I don’t know who I am either, so who does then?
Friends? You? No, no one knows me
The doctor asked me and I didn’t hesitate to answer
Yes, yes I’ve been there
I say I don’t give a shit, I don’t give a fuck
But all those words are to hide how weak I am
One of those days I wish I couldn’t remember
I had to go on stage, but instead I hid in the bathroom
I looked at myself in the mirror, terrified of people
Back then, I thought success is worth it all
But as time goes, I feel like I’m turning into a monster
My success, traded in with my youth, wants more
My greed that used to power me now swallows me
It ruins me, it leashes me
Some shove the fruit down my throat
But when I don’t want it, they want me out of the picture
Shit, shit, I get it, please stop
I caused this all, so let me quit on my own
If my despair is your happiness, let me be down
If I am the target of your hatred, I will stand on the guillotine
Things I’ve imagined came true, my dreams in front of my eyes
The loser who’d perform for two now stands in Tokyo Dome
I only live once, so live it wild
Anyone can live the average
My fan, my homies, my fam, don’t worry I’m okay, damn
I’ve denied my true self for so long
Yes, I’m an idol, I don’t hide that
All that pain that troubled my mind
This is the end of my being lost, there is no answer
I thought I had no pride left, but it’s all that I have now
My fans, keep those chins up, who does it better than I do
From Seiko to Rolex, from AX Hall to the Olympic Arena
Millions of heads nod to my gesture
Show me the money, I didn’t not couldn’t do it, shit
Haters who sold my name, they couldn’t do it, shit
My creativity comes from all kinds of problems
I can finally look back to when I’d sleep on the bathroom floor
When I shattered my shoulder from working a delivery job
I still debuted, so don’t pretend you know what hardship is
From Seiko to Rolex, from AX Hall to the Olympic Arena
Millions of heads nod to my gesture
Resentment raised me, look at what I am
Haters who sold my name, they couldn’t do it, shit”
