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Rookie girl group member Haena, who is part of ANS, revealed in a series of now-deleted posts the bullying she received by her group members, which caused her to develop panic disorder and she attempted to end her own life because of them.
Haena uploaded three posts about the issue, but deleted two of them. Only one post remains on her personal Instagram account. Her first post detailed how she doesn’t believe the people who bullied her are human, but she didn’t specifically name anyone.
I can’t hold it in any more. My life is ruined. It’s so hard, it’s like I’m dying, but I didn’t want to hurt anyone else, right until the end. But I feel so sorry to the people who have been giving me their support, and to those who like me, even though there’s just nothing good about me. That’s why I’ve just been holding it all in myself.
Is it that difficult to apologize? Well, I didn’t even hope for an apology. But don’t you think this is just too much?
Are you really human? Now I’m not afraid of anything, whether it’s death or waking up. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I can’t keep it in anymore. I haven’t even said anything, I’ve been quiet, so when will you understand that? What was I so good at, that I had to undertake alone? I was desperate, I know how that feels. I didn’t want to ruin things and make things complicated. If I just quietly die, no one will know the reasons why. If you were really human, you would at least live the rest of your life filled with guilt. I didn’t want to wake up, but when I did, I was even more scared. You say you never did that because there’s no proof of it? I kept quiet, no matter how unfair it was. But it’s not because I’m dumb.
This will be the last time I give in to you, so think about it. If you apologize, even though I can’t forgive you, I’ll shoulder it on my own and go.
— Haena
Her second, now-deleted post mentions how she had to secretly visit a hospital because she felt like she would be bullied even more, and how she continued to struggle due to her panic disorder, especially at the dorm.
I’ve been holding it all in, but I can reveal it all and it’ll just be over. It’s just so absurd, I can’t even be angry. An official note? I had to secretly go to the hospital because of my depression and panic disorder. I thought if I told you guys about it, you would thing I am just pretending to have a difficult time. The agency knows about that. The staff said the only thing my parents wanted from me was to graduate from school, they weren’t involved in anything else, and for my idol activities to not interfere with my studying. They trusted in the agency and left it up to them, but that’s what an employee did?
My hands are just shaking so much. I went back to school and didn’t have any issues with attendance, and now not going to school is more of a problem than not attending group practice. I did well during our promotions, so why are you pretending to be a staff member and call my homeroom teacher everyday while recording the conversation? You didn’t want to say anything about it, so you just said sorry.
It seems like you guys have also forgotten about the wounds you caused and the hurtful words you said at the cafe on that day? I will never forget that for the rest of my life. I talked to the company about it. I couldn’t even breathe properly when I’m around you all because of the anxiety I feel. I faint whenever I’m around you. I talked about it with our CEO and he decided I should go on a hiatus. And that official note? There’s a record of it being sent, and I have already talked it over with the agency.
In the dorms, you never include me in what you do because I’m a minor. You always have your suspicions about me, and you continuously call me. Why can you guys have fun, but I have to be under suspicion? At first, I thought it was because you guys were giving me some attention. But you crossed the line. Whenever you would call and I couldn’t pick up because I was sleeping, you would start getting suspicious of what I was doing, and call me a hundred times.
I developed this anxiety and panic disorder because of you guys. I just couldn’t do anything. Even the company can’t control you guys anymore. Do you even remember what you did to me? Did I do anything wrong to you? Did I ever hurt you? You guys said you cant go hang out, because of me, and had to isolate. The CEO even said it could be dangerous, even after the test results came out, hasn’t the company been like that since the start?
Think about everything you have done to me. I never intended to interfere with your private lives, but you guys made me. Fix it yourselves.
— Haena
Her third, also now-deleted post revealed details about the bullying she received, and alludes to the bullies being her group members, as she mentions being left out at the dorm and being ganged up on by seven other people. ANS has 8 members. She also detailed the self-harm and attempts at her own life.
You say I’m just having fun and making money? You know what my situation is. I can’t hold it in anymore now that you mention it. I didn’t want to talk about this, but I haven’t even been talking with my parents, and I feel sorry to them that I have to go through all of this. Because of that, I lived with a friend for a few months.
My friends helped me with the living costs and the treatment fees, and they even helped me take care of my younger sibling. I felt so sorry for them, that I wanted to end my life, so I went up to the rooftop. I was about to jump, when I thought about how my friend even took an extra job to help me and my sibling without asking for anything in return, and that brought me to tears. I told my friend how sorry I was, and tried to continue living my life.
A part-time job? I talked about it with my agency, but as the talks dragged on, nothing came out of it. After getting treatment for a while, the only thing I could do was allow a friend of a friend to use my picture for their store, and they also allowed me to live with them, which was a small help.
I went to the hospital and was told how it would be better if I stayed away from school and away from the agency due to the anxiety and panic disorder. The agency knew of my family situation, but you guys had no idea what I was going through, right? I’m getting goosebumps just thinking about how the seven of you would gang up on me. Why did I put so much effort into trying to die?
I almost jumped off a building. I made cuts with a knife. I took strong medicine I don’t usually take, and consumed 50 sleeping pills, which forced me to be hospitalized. Was it just because I wanted people to pity me? Why would I pretend to need pity while telling my family’s situation to you? Do you remember what you said to me in the cafe that day? You told me do turn off my phone the moment I got there.
I wouldn’t have done all these things if you didn’t say that. I cried on my way home from that cafe. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. That was the first time I talked about what happened. Proof? There’s not a lot, but I’ll reveal what I have one by one. Did you all even get criticized at all for what you did? You guys just do all of the things the agency tells you not to do.
Maybe you feel like because I violated your private life, you can do the same to me. But you have nothing else to say or do, so you’ll just talk about my family issues? You guys are the ones minding someone else’s business you shouldn’t be minding. How is the blame on me? How is it my fault? I’m all alone, you know I can’t even do anything. I’m really scared, but I’ll take care of it.
I don’t care about anything else. I don’t care if other people say things, those perpetrators know what I am talking about. Sympathy? I never hoped to receive that. I don’t care how people treat me now. I want you guys to live the rest of your life full of guilt. I’m sick of this.
— Haena
Earlier, Haena posted a cryptic message on her Instagram story, which caused fans to grow concerned about whether something happened to her.
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